以色列

告诉我为什么？

告诉我，那是为什么？

Tell me why

In my dream

Children sing

A song of love for every boy and girl

The sky is blue

The fields are green

And laughter is the language of the world

Then I wake and all I see

Is a world full of people in need

Tell me why

Does it have to be like this

Tell me why

Is there something I have missed

Tell me why

Beacuse I don't understand

When somebody needs somebody

We don't give helping hand

Tell me why

Every day

I asked myself

What I have to do to be a man

Do I have

To stand and fight

To prove to everybody who I am

Is that my life is for

To waste in a world full of war

Tell me why,Tell me why,Tell me why..

Just tell me why,tell me why..

Why do the tiger run

Why why ,do we shoot the gun

Tell me why

Why,why,do we never learn

Can some one tell us why we let the forest burn

Why,why do we say we care

Tell me why,why do the dolphins cry



Can some one tell us why we let the ocean die

Why,why if we're all the same

Why,why do we pass the blame

Why,why does it never end

Can aome one tell us why we cannot just be friends?

Why,why..

令人无奈的事情/

令人无奈的事情

在报章读到74岁老妇动了心脏手术之几天后逝世的新闻，心中已感到不平衡，再读下去，赫然发现，主刀和受训医生竟然在动完手术之后立即辞职和分别不再当实习医生。我心里感到很挣扎，纳闷和无限感慨。。想不久前，太太卵巢癌去世之前在医院发生的事又是一幕一幕的呈现在脑海里。。有一次周末在医院守着她时，看到太太睡着了，就快速的去洗手间一趟。。没想到才不一下子，回来的时候，看到太太床上的白布已染上大片红色血迹，还有满地的一堆血迹。。清洁工人快速地正要清理。。我既刻阻止他，要问明原因，但是他们只是说医生刚才在抽血。我问护士，那一位医生在太太睡时抽血，可以的吗？但他们却说不出是哪一位实习医生在太太睡觉时抽她的血。。而且是差错的抽血。可以这样子的吗？因为护士长（太太哥哥的教友。。）发现针管 筒插错！我既气愤又无奈。过后向化疗医生反映，她说，周末见习医生比较多。。我也不解，刚刚同一天才抽了数次血，在短短时间内又再抽？其回答是，不同医生，不同的要求！我的天啊！太太每次抽血都痛哭的声音声（因为她已近乎瘦得皮包骨。），喊叫我的声音，直到到现在还不绝于耳，挥之不去。
。。

大粒的药丸原本是应该放在水杯里待溶解才喝的，但没人告知，可怜的她好不容易才吞了下去，那时她吞咽已困难。。天啊！

那时太太的脚已肿得像大象一般，奄奄一息，插管围绕，病床墙头明挂着不能下床走动！但见习医生却要她下床做运动。。

太太在化疗的期间，换了好多次化疗药，我不是医生，所以医生问我要不要换这种药或者想要那一种药，我全然不敢堪自决定。

最后换了价钱不菲的口服药，终导致鼻子流血，口吐血痰。。即刻停止服用。
化疗医生来探病房时，太太那时还清醒，但眼睛是已看不到。听到医生高跟皮鞋的脚步声音，她马上喊：“安静！” 年轻的化疗女医生对我说：“ 惨了。。你太太一定骂我，因为我给她的药太强了。。”

几天后，太太肾功能衰败，不治逝世。。骨灰呈深黄色，据说是药太强烈。

在医院的其中一些日子，由于扩散到肺，有5天需要每一天去另一间医院电疗胸部，开始时由救伤车载送，躺在担架上，太太辛苦得总是吐个不停，我要求用载人的车，回应说，载人的车没有氧气设备，不能。最后还是一位印籍护士把氧气筒带来用载人的车辆护送，才松了口气。。

以上点点滴滴，不是想追究些什么责任问题，也不是针对些什么，医生们有苦衷是我们无法了解的，我们知道。太太现在已过世了，再追究也是没用，因为在医院也是太多好人好事，一些医生，护士，在太太行最后的人生旅程时，都给了她很大的爱心。。我只是想到太太对护士长所说的，好的事要赞扬，不好的也是要提出改进。。

如果医院方面有任何在协调或者伸缩性上需要改进的地方，不时捡讨改进，是为重要啊！千万不能等闲视之，行政细节上的差错，是人命关天的啊!

我有时很纳闷，纳闷着自己讲不恰当的话。 ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××× 但我也纳闷，当人家对我说：“ 我不想让别人知道我向你说的事。。”但却全天下的人都知道啦！我宁可不要知道。。不要向我说吧，求求你。。 ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

“。。。。如果你希望以后的安息礼拜很多人出席，你也要出席别人的安息礼拜。。”天啊!!这话也说的出。

保罗团契植物园郊游2012年3月31日

请耐心等。。就要出现啦。。

保罗团契34周年=2012

再见，妈妈

Hi everybody, i would like to say a few words to remember my mother.

Koh Ai Tee, my mom was a kind hearted and brave lady. She would love me and my father, always putting ahead our needs over hers. She is selfless to the point where she'll rather suffer, be insulted or misunderstood for her good intentions.
She has a brave heart. I remember the story told by my dad about this one time when they were on holiday in Sweden. A big-sized american man threatened dad and mocked him thinking he was a Japanese soldier. Small sized as she was, mom rushed to my dad's defence and used her head to butt the fellow's chest. My father will always recount that story as an example of how mom would put everybody's need ahead of herself.

My mother is a faithful christian. For her physically weak body, she makes up by having a tough and strong mentality. On top of that, she places so much faith and hope in God. Through the course of the past year, mother underwent so much injections, cheemotheraphy, radiology and different drug change. Strong as she was, her body is still very human, and a physical body is so very limited in this temporal world.

Mother often wondered what lesson is God trying to teach her? Could it be she hasn't been a good witness to her faith? At her darkest moment, i remember seeing her cry out "My God has disappeared, my God has disappeared." That was very heartbreaking for dad and I. And yet after a while, mom would have willed herself and absolutely convinced herself that God is in control. Jesus loves her. And then we would hum the children song. "Jesus loves all the children, all the children in the world...." A simple children hymn, that is my mom, always childlike, always faithful. When she was slipping in and out of conciousness, father whispered to her "Do you know i love you a lot, a lot?" She said "You dont even have to say it, I already know, but love God first then me and Wei." She said that during her most difficult moments. I often wonder where does she get her faith from. Her anguish and pain is very real, but friends, so is her faith. Right to the end.

I am thankful that God allowed us enough time to say our goodbyes, twice in fact. When she was last warded, and doctors told us we only have a few weeks left. Since then, i have had heart-to-heart conversations with mom. This was something hard to do in an Asian culture. Where love is not outwardly expressed. Yet it is very important to say the words that matter. So I had an idea, to write letters to mom in a journal, she would write me back. To and fro, our correspondence nearly filled an entire book.

All through my adult life, i never really allowed my parents to fully participate in my search for my identity, and purpose in life. Struggles with my faith is also something very personal and i would wrestle my own demons and deliberately exclude my parents from the process. How i grow in the Lord is also a different experience as what my mom and dad went through. Although so, they've always taken little bits and pieces of time to show me how God has been gracious and good to our family since young. Mother said she has been praying for me even I was born. She prayed for her future husband, and God sent her my dad.

I have been placed in such a loving family who gives me the space to grow, to make my own mistakes and learn from them. God says "I am love." But what does that mean for us? And then i look at Dad and Mom's unfailing care and love for each other and i am convinced there is no better place for me to learn that than here, with Dad and Mom.

Mom would encourage me to talk to God about every little thing. She said that she always prayed for my future wife. And so, time will tell how that turns out.

I am thankful that i get to promise my mother that i will never let go of my faith, though we all have our own disillusions with Christianity and in God every once so often, i assured her that i will always remember my roots. Brothers, sisters and friends, people that i love, and who love me back, i am also counting on you to hold me to that promise.

I am thankful that i get to hug my mother, kiss my mother, hold her hands and tell her that i love her and even though she said not to be sad and to miss her, Dad and I will miss her very much.

God is good, even through our darkest moments, he has sent countless friends to support us. For food, for companionship, for heart-to-heart conversations. We have never been in want. You know individually who you are. My father and I are very thankful. Perhaps a reminder that God does not only exist in church, along the pews or over communion. Our God is an infinite God who is in the big things right down to the tiniest details. Your care and concern is one of those. God is also evident in my mom's life. Her selflessness, love and gentle heart. There is still good in this world, it is with a heavy heart to say that my father and I have lost one of those who is good, and is beautiful today.

Thank you all for listening.

莫泽威分享

再见，妈妈。。

嗨，大家好，我想讲几句话，记念我的母亲。( 15/4/2011)

许爱治，是我的妈妈。她是一个善良和勇敢的妈妈。她爱我和我的父亲，她始终都满足供应我们的需要。她是无私的，她宁愿受苦，被侮辱或被人误解了她的好意。

她有一颗勇敢善良的心。我记得爸爸告诉我一个故事，当他们在瑞典度假时，一个高大的美国男子威胁着父亲，并嘲笑他，认为他是一个二战战败日本兵的后代。。瘦小的妈妈，感觉到我爸被蔑视，用她的头对准那家伙的胸部撞去。。我的父亲经常总是会述说这个故事，说妈妈如何把我们的需要胜过于她自己的需要。。

我的母亲是一位虔诚的基督徒。她的身体虽然虚弱瘦小，但是她面对艰难的事时，有着强大的心态和意志力。最重要的是，她把自己的信仰和对上帝的盼望，通过对过去一年的过程中，都充份的表现 出来。。母亲病时经历了这么多的注射，化疗，放射和对着不同的药物影响变化，她的身体已是受不了。。。但因为她凭着是强大的意志，那是人性化和一个肉体在这个时空世界是非常有限的。。她最后差点崩溃！

爸对我说，母亲经常在想，是上帝试图对她有什么教训？道是她一直没有一个很好的见证和信心不够？在她最黑暗的时刻，我记得我看到她哭了，“ 我的上帝已经消失，已经消失了，我的上帝你在哪里？。。”这是很心痛的一段时刻，爸爸和妈妈会任性绝对相信自己是在神控制中。。因为耶稣爱她。然后我们会一起哼唱妈喜欢的儿歌： “ 耶稣爱世界上所有的孩子，所有的孩子......”这是一首简单的儿童赞美歌。。这就是我的妈妈。她总是很孩子气，她总是很忠实。。当她的意识和体力开始滑落时，父亲低声对她的        “你知道我爱你很多，很多吗？”她说：“你不说出来，我已经知道，但要爱上帝，然后才爱我和阿威。。”这是在她最困难的时刻所说的话。。我常想，在那里她得到了她信仰的保证。她的痛苦是非常真实的，但是，朋友们，这是她坚持的信仰。。一直到她生命的结束。。。

我感谢上帝让我们有足够的时间向妈妈说再见，在她最后一次入院时，医生告诉我们，妈妈只有几个星期的生命了。。从那时起，我和妈妈开始心以心的交谈。。这是亚洲文化的东西很难做到的。然而在这个时候如果我爱妈妈而又不能向妈妈表示的话。。再不说的话，是永远再也没机会了。。时间是非常紧急的。所以我有一个想法，写日记，用册子，和笔写信给妈妈，她也写回信给我。。来来回回，我们的信件几乎占满了整本书。。

在所有通过我生命成长的岁月过程中，我从来没有真正应许让我的父母充分参与我的生活，和让他们知道我倒底在做些什么，或知道我对生命的目的和意义何在。。我对信仰的斗争也是很个人的东西，我把自己的人生当为是一个与恶魔搏斗的过程，我刻意地排除我的父母。。我如何在主的成长也是我爸爸和妈妈经历了不同的人生经验所影响。虽然如此，他们一直采取忍耐，低调，和让时间来证明给我看，看神怎样以爱和恩典建立我们的家庭。。母亲说，她一直为我祈祷，即使我出生那个时刻，她已开始为我祷告。。她也说她那个时候一直祈祷为着她未来的丈夫。。而上帝后来把她送给了我的爸爸。。

我其实已被上帝放置在这样一个充满爱的家庭，他们给我的成长空间，使我看到自己的错误，并从他们身上学到许多的事物。。上帝说“我就是爱。”但是，那是什么意思？是对我们吗？然而我看着爸爸和妈妈始终如一的互相关怀和对彼此的爱，我相信我没有更好的地方可以学习得到，只在这里，在爸爸和妈妈的身上。。。

妈妈常常鼓励我谈论神如何在我身上所行的每一件小事。她说，她总是对我未来的妻子祈祷。等等，时间会告诉我神将来如何在我人生道路上去成就祂对我的旨意。。

我很感激上帝​​，因为我答应我的母亲，我永远不会放弃我的信仰，虽然我们自己有时候对基督教和上帝存有的幻灭的思想，但我向妈妈保证，我会永远记得我们的根，我们是建立在上帝爱的基础上。。还有我亲爱的弟兄们，姐妹和朋友们，我所爱的人，以及爱我的人，我还指望请你们抓我一把，帮我守住这一个承诺。。

我很感激上帝​​，我得到了母亲的拥抱，亲吻妈妈，握住她的手，告诉她我爱她，即使她对我说，不要难过和想念她，但是爸爸和我会非常想念她的。。。

上帝是好的，甚至通过我们最黑暗的时刻，他已派出无数的朋友来支持我们。不断供应食物，心对心的陪伴着我们谈话。这是我们从来没有想得到 的。你们心里清楚知道我在讲的“你”是谁。。我父亲和我心里都非常感激你们。这也是提醒我们，神不只是存在教堂里，在座位或高高在上的崇拜里。。而是，我们的神是无限的上帝，祂无所不在，从大的事情到最微小的细节。。您们的关心和照顾就是其中之一。上帝在我妈的生活例子中也很明显，她对生活的热爱，无私的爱和温柔的心。在这个世界上虽然仍然有好多好多美好的事物，但是我以一个很沉重的心情对你们说，今天父亲和我已经失去了一个最好的和最美丽妈妈的过去。

谢谢你们耐心的听。

莫泽威。  粗糙翻译：莫泰驹2012年六月一日